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Johnny Kitagawa and Jin Akanishi 

Tokyo, March 25th 2012

Future Generations will refer to today as the day the music truly died. According to yet unnamed sources, the Triumph Tour of musical genius and soother-of-souls Jin Akanishi has been cancelled. The decision was made within the evil tower of Johnny's and Associates, a company that has since been called the herald of the Apocalypse. At least if the world ended, a true believer has been recorded saying, the pain wouldn't last that long.

Why the Tour has been cancelled is nothing short of a mystery to anyone who has a heart and can enjoy the beauty in life. His album sales were spectacular in the Faroer Islands. He had a great tour moment in Vancouver and his bowel movements have been stellar. All things point to a great repeat of his last successful tour, sponsored by Yahoo Auctions.

As it is, the news of the cancelled tour has not only surprised Jin and his followers but also Sato Suzuki who is now facing unemployment. "I don't know what happened. One day I am the head of the money burning department, me and my shovel you know, and then the next they come into the basement and tell me that they don't want to "waste money anymore" and that I can stop burning it. It was a blow."

While people have reacted with strong disagreement, weeping and tearing of clothes, no official statement has been made by the saviour of souls, Jin Akanishi, yet. People from his inner circle say that he reacted to the news with silence and a flicker of his halo. 

source: http://www.sanspo.com/geino/news/20120325/joh12032505030000-n1.html

Nasty Rumor Threatens Golden Boy

Los Angeles, March 18th 2012

pictured: an artist's representation of idol poop

Singer-songwriter and artist extraordinaire, Jin Akanishi, is once again the target of nasty rumors. This time, the Japanese Yellow Press has targeted a very intimate area of the famous workaholic's life: his digestion. According to bowel-movement.co.jp, Akanishi has been rumored to have daily sit-ins at numerous bathrooms. "He goes in with a stressed face but once he comes out, it's like he's been relieved of a heavy burden" an entertainment insider says. "People think he does drugs but personally? It's clear to me he's doing number two."

So far, Warner Music has declined to give any comments on the situation and Jin Akanishi's Japanese agency prefers to give the press the silent treatment as well. Fans have reacted with a mixture of stunned silence and utter disbelief. "Idols don't poop. It doesn't happen." - is an often repeated phrase on Jin Akanishi fanclubs around the net. "Jin and shit don't belong together" is another.

Experts say that this scandal could be the straw that breaks the camel's back. It is certainly a stinky situation.

A new development in the Akanishi kidnapping case has shocked  both fans and family. According to a badly written letter that was delivered to Johnny's and Associates this morning, the well-loved idol has not been left untouched in his captivity. His kidnapper, unsuccessful socialite Kuroki M, has announced her pregnancy to the agency. 

After the public disclosure of the letter's content, Akanishi's fans could be seen weeping openly on the streets. But even those who didn't succumb to their emotions couldn't help but feel the despair. Sentiments like "He doesn't even know what it all means. He is so dedicated to his craft. A true artist." "He has never even looked at a woman before." And: "I wonder how Kame takes it." were often repeated by the crowd.

Authorities hope to find hints about the hussy's hiding place soon but don't wish to spread false hope. They already lost Meisa's traces once before when she was seen with Akanishi in Tokyo Disney's apptly named "Tower of Terror". Bystanders notified the police when they recognized the screaming man in Meisa's clutches. However, they disappeared before a SWAT team could rescue the national treasure. 

Should the police finally capture the whore, she will have to face trial for kidnapping and attempted extortion. But fans think she should face many more charges. "He's so innocent...like a kitten. To me, it's a clear case of animal abuse."

source: uso-ippai.tumblr.com

Mayans were right: the end is nigh

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In a shocking development, widely acclaimed actress, singer and morality spokesmodell, Meisus Christ, has announced her pregnancy. The surprising statement was met with incredulity and shock by her followers, as Meisus Christ had previously been considered one of the last living virgins of the planet. The father of the child was not present when Meisus decended from her cloud to speak to her followers but scientific researchers at the Sponichi Institute of Stalking Stars narrowed the possibilities down to two.

It is now commonly understood that Meisa is either reproducing by spontaneous cell duplication and is, therefore, her own child's father or has had an unfortunate encounter of the third kind with infamous whoremonger and abuser of all things good and innocent: Jin Akanishi. This revelation has caused an uproar even outside the believers in Meisus Christ. As the end of the Mayan calendar draws near, people wonder if this pregnancy could be another sign of the apocalypse. Religious leaders around the world are scheduled to meet later this week for a joint prayer. After what is now called the "oh hell no" meeting, they will further issue a joint press release to explain their stand on the situation. The vatican has been mum on the developments so far but an undisclosed source wishes to be quotes as such: "And the lion shall lie down with the lamb." as well as "Run, you fools."

source: http://uso-ippai.tumblr.com/

It's official - she's a slut

Popular model, talent, spokesperson, actress and all-around hotbod, Kuroki Meisa, was named Whore of the Month. The committee announced their decision on sunday, 02.05.2012, after reviewing Meisa's application. Entertainment insiders say that Meisa's repeated efforts to prove her sluttiness were what convinced the esteemed club to open its doors for her. "You have to really admire her for being committed to the cause. I mean Akanishi, Yamashita AND Kitayama? I couldn't have done it." 

Online, the reaction were mixed. Many of her most ardent admirers agree " i don't even know meisa's background and such.the first time i saw her in pictures i already knew it" but some people feel that the Whore of the Month should have gone to someone more deserving. "She just copied everything Kitagawa's done." "Maki has gone through all of them and doesn't even get a mention?!"
Both Kitagawa Keiko and Horikita Maki declined to comment on Meisa's nomination.

The starlet herself accepted the honor with a coy smile and her trademark flick of the wrist. "I've been doing my best. Please continue to support me." Vice Presidents Kamenashi K. and Sawajiri E. who attended the ceremony, said they wished Meisa "a long career in the entertainment business" and think she will "represent us faithfully".

source: http://uso-ippai.tumblr.com/post/17079085739/meisa-wanted-yamapi-but-ended-up-with-jin-warning

Akanishi promotes album, brings peace

We are living in a post-racial world.

 Recently, cultural embassador and internationally acclaimed singer-songwriter Gin Akanishi gave an interview to Rolling Stone Japan. The talk, intended to promote his upcoming album quickly turned to more important issues. Akanishi spoke about his passion for bringing different cultures together. In his attempts to let their voices be heard, Akanishi took it upon himself to speak for them.  Featuring several songs in the common language of non-whites, Akanishi's newest masterpiece will have him singing in the common accent of African-Americans and Jamaicans. Although he had hopes to bring a bit of Japan to his American audiences, the lack of a typical Japanese accent forced the "artist" to reconsider these plans. 

As translations of his interview leaked on the internet, fans and foes around the world rejoiced. Initial misunderstanding about his true intentions were quickly cleared up as peple realized that racism can finally be over. As one fan put it: "Racism will never go away until people stop getting offended about every little thing." Another added: "In my opinion, there are more people crying RACISM when there isn't any these days than actual racism being reported on." In a happy conclusion, any residual doubts about Akanishi's views were cleared up when it was revealed that "His vocal coach, Sauce, is black."

To date, the Noble committee has not commented on Akanishi's chances for a Noble Peace Price.

Appropriate don't hesitate,so the album's inofficial title, will hit the shelves in March 2012. 
Sun burns down - Jin speaks up

Jinsus listens to the world!

In a recent interview with Japanese Rolling Stone magazine Akanishi Jin opened up about his new single, his musical inspirations and cultural relations. Always trying to educate the Japanese populace on American values, his single contains such culturally sensitive tracks as "Like You". Akanishi, who likes to challenge himself, describes the new sound as decidedly "Ghetto R&B". To further bring the message home, he sang it in a general "African American accent". The CD, which debuted on #1 of Billboard's Single Sales Charts in the US, also features the Japanese singer doing his impression of a Jamaican English Accent.

Sadly, fans will have to give up hopes of listening to a Japanese accent on Akanishi's single as the "artist" has made it known that such a thing does not exist. Akanishi aficionados may console themselves with the hope for a Latin album of the former boyband member. Akanishi, linguist par excellence, has dropped hints that he interested in branching out. And why shouldn't he? After all, the "r" is identical in both English and Spanish.

source: http://annatanhe.livejournal.com/52974.html

Writer's block

Kame. Jajajaja.

Ohayo Miiinnnaaaaaaaa!!!

~Ohayo!! Calcetinita desu~

I like jpop and jinpop and soda pop. Heh. And my favorite color are mint green and the color of Jin's eyes. I hope to find many many friends because I am a genki girl and mecha mecha kawaiii too!!

Sayonara!! First post please be yasasshiii, ne!